Online dating photos — Sunglasses or no sunglasses?

Gentle Readers,

Nearly everyone has heard heard the expression, “The eyes are the windows to your soul, ” or “The eyes are the mirror of your soul.” This is true.  Your eyes can communicate your feelings, often better than words can.  Why not re-watch old movies with Greta Garbo, John Gilbert, Mary Pickford, the Gish sisters, Charlie Chaplin, Lon Chaney and others? Without subtitles, you can still tell what the characters the actors were portraying were feeling and experiencing — through their eyes and body language.

When you look someone in the eye, you can see if they are being honest with you. If you are shy or want to flirt, you may avert your eyes or give someone a “come hither look.”   If you are upset, you may have tears in your eyes.  If you are happy, your eyes may sparkle and even “dance,”  especially if you are teasing someone or telling a joke. If you are focused, there may be an intensity in your eyes.  In many cases, your body language will support what you are feeling.

This brings me to the subject of online/app dating profiles and sunglasses. Far too many dating profiles contain photos of potential dates wearing sunglasses in every picture, or nearly every picture. What were they thinking? If people are looking for real connections, wouldn’t it better serve them to present an accurate image of themselves? Wearing sunglasses can be a deterrent because it hides their most valuable asset — their eyes.  My advice to you, Gentle Reader, is simple:  If you do not see the “whites of their eyes,” consider swiping left.  If someone hides their eyes, they may be afraid of being vulnerable. Yes, most people have been hurt at least once in their life. In order to love and be loved, you most assuredly will get hurt or hurt the person you love at some point in time. It is unavoidable. If you have a good partner, you both will work through those moments together and patch things up because you love each other and want your relationship to work. That is why heartfelt apologies and makeup sex can be fabulous!

Celebrities were known for wearing sunglasses so they could go out in public without being recognized — so they could live as much of a normal life as possible.  No sunglasses please, unless you have a medical condition that warrants wearing them, or you are sitting or standing in bright sunlight.  Seriously.  Take off the shades, be vulnerable and take a flattering selfie.  You know you want to make a good impression on a potential date now, don’t you?

Gentle Readers, do you have any thoughts or comments to share?  Please do as I value your inputyour thoughts and ideas.

I want what the all the psychics promised me.

Gentle Readers,

I am always an advocate of utilizing common sense first, and then if necessary, use my intuitive  gifts to help a client.  In some cases, clients may just need to talk to someone that is “safe” and receive a validation reading with good, sound guidance and a little bit of empowerment thrown in for good measure.

This past week, I encountered a potential client who was in a very difficult and desperate situation.  With a limited amount of time to help him, he informed me he was a homeless, disabled veteran sleeping on a friend’s sofa.  He had been lied to by many psychics and other people who use their gifts, purporting to help people.  He wanted to know when he was going to get a financial “windfall” and other things various psychics had promised him.  He further informed me he had given away a lot of money to various people who promised him all sorts of things — mostly financial gains, yet he received nothing in return.  In short, he was lied to, scammed and taken advantage of by disreputable people.

I know gypsies and some psychics need to make a living, but karmically, they should never harm anyone or prey on their fears and weaknesses.  However, we live in a world with a lot of disreputable people who have agendas and do not take other people’s feelings and needs into consideration.  Everyone should use a little common sense on a regular basis — or a lot, in order to have a better quality of life…regardless of their financial situation.

I totally understood how he felt, but there I was, being accused of who knows what, and being asked, “When am I going to get what I was promised by you psychics?”  I informed him that I never promised him anything or lied to him. I further told him this was my first encounter with him, and that he should not to blame me or any other psychic who did not do this to him.  I informed him what services I offered and suggested that he use a little common sense in the future.

To Recap:  I tried to provide this potential client insight into his situation and offer some very badly needed common sense.  I wanted to help him heal from the pain of having been taken advantage of and scammed, if possible.  I ran out of time; all I could do was send a prayer out into the universe for him.  My wish is that this man finds his way out of the situation he is currently in and is able to create a better quality of life for himself.  Don’t you think he needs to stop seeking “psychics” who intend to take advantage of him?   I certainly do!

Choose your words wisely; proofread what you write, and know that somewhere, someone will react in a negative manner.

Gentle Readers,

Has someone misinterpreted your words or intentions when you sent a letter, card, text or email?  Did you try to be crystal clear when you wrote it.  Did you take the time you needed to choose your words carefully?  If so, great!  Did it blow up in your face and bite you in your bottom anyway?  If it did, you are not alone. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY

If you are in the habit of finding someone or something to blame, or make an excuse as to why your message did not go over as you intended, stop it!  Accept the fact that you do not have control over how a recipient will respond to what you wrote.  If you said what you needed to say, don’t beat yourself up; just own your actions and try not to muck things up further by trying to fix the problem.  Let it go.

“No Good Deed Goes Unpunished,” made immortal in the Musical “Wicked,” and the expression:  ”The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” has some validity in real life.  Then again you can just “Let it go!”  Yes, The Queen of Common Sense loves musical theatre and great quotes.

Gentle Readers, I’d like to share an example of what I am talking about without breaching ethics and confidentiality.

Someone reached out to me privately several months ago — a young psychic.  She gushed about how great it was to connect to me.  She then added me to her phone and friended me on social media.  Shortly after adding me to her phone, she texted me asking, “What should I do about your friend ______________; he keeps sending me naked pictures of himself.”  I went onto FB messaging and replied, “Why did you text me on my phone about some person sending you naked pics? I’m not happy about receiving this sort of thing from you. Please be careful what you text and to whom. I’ll delete the text.”  …and I did.  She apologized and explained how it happened.

Regardless of how it happened, this could have been avoided if she paid attention to what she was doing when she entered names and phone numbers in her phone.  I was stunned, confused, and felt that this type of text was inappropriate.  In my opinion, she should have called the intended person rather than text.  After the fact, that I realized that my words may have appeared condescending — especially since she had connected to me nearly two weeks earlier.  Perhaps I should have just said, “You texted me something in error that I felt was inappropriate. Please know that and be careful next time.  I believe I over-reacted.

When I started working events as a psychic over 35 years ago, there was no one around to explain ethics, boundaries and what a psychic or Tarot reader should tell people.  There was no Internet, no cell phones and nearly everyone working was “hungry” and out for themselves, so a newbie had to make some mistakes and find their way.  I did.  As a result of my experiences, I try to teach people the importance of good ethics when establishing their identity as a professional reader.

While this article is basically about choosing words wisely, under the shadow of today’s Retrograde Mercury, I had another social media message encounter with the same individual a few days ago.  While she had messaged me a few other times since her error with various mandalas and other items, plus promotional messages about her services, I just noted it and went about my business.  However, when I received a message that was supposed to be a promo for her services which contained a variant of the F-bomb, I fell into teacher mode and the neon “ETHICS” sign went off in my head.  I messaged her asking her to stop sending me stuff as I was not a client or potential client.  I also identified myself to her thinking she would make the connection.  I felt her response was inappropriate:  “It’s just promo  Ur in my list  Calm down  I swear. Ur attitude has always sucked Block me”  She then promptly blocked me and unfriended me.

I was stunned because this young psychic used a variant of the F-bomb in her promotional mailing without screening her list to make sure her choice of verbiage would not offend people.  I never asked to be friended, nor did I ask to be put on her list.  I did a knee-jerk response and probably came off condescending, once again.  I’ll own that.  So, I guess she needed to say and do what she felt she was appropriate for her.  Whether some of her clients responded to what she sent and the “F-bomb variant” is fine.  I just had an issue with her emailing it to EVERYONE on her list.

The advice I offer anyone marketing their services —  no matter what their profession may be, please be mindful of what you send and to whom.  Make sure you have done your homework and separated your lists.  Also make sure if people want to be removed from your promotional mailings that you remove them graciously.

My advice to anyone using social media is simple:  “The image you present to the world today will be misinterpreted no matter what you do or say; social media can help you and hinder you.  Trolls may try to destroy you.  All you can do is learn to let things go, move on, and hope you do not have to do much, if any damage control.  You can’t please everyone and there will always be someone out there ready, willing and able to mess with you.  It’s a fact of life.

I hope this article helps you.  Feel free to share and/or leave any comments as you see fit.

Online Dating: To Respond or Not Respond?

Gentle Readers,

From time to time, I receive questions regarding what is the right and proper way to respond to an email on a dating site when you are not interested in the person.  For example, you received a nice email from someone, but you have absolutely nothing in common with them.  While the person may seem nice — their profile is well written and the photos are decent, you’re just not feeling a connection.  Perhaps their “percent match” is not high enough for you, too.

Your quandary — what to do?  Hmmm.  “Should I ignore the person and not respond,” you ask yourself? “Or should I send a polite email letting them know they are not a “match” and wish them the best with their search for that special someone?”

There is no right or wrong answer as to whether or not you should respond.  Let me provide you with two options:

  1. You do nothing and they may go away and leave you alone. In many cases, you may think that you are being rude by not responding.  While you may think it might be the coward’s way — not facing someone and hurting their feelings, it might just be better to say nothing.
  2. Of course, the thought may cross your mind that they may really be a nice person, so you might decide to let them know you are not interested and wish them well on their search for that someone special.  In some cases, your well-meaning email may elicit a thank you, but then again, you may end up receiving a vitriolic email.  

There is no right or wrong way to turn someone down.  My suggestion to you is simple; do what you feel is right and do not feel guilty.

Do you have any rejection insights you would like to share on this topic?  Feel free to do so.

If We Only Have Love – thank you, Jacques Brel!

Gentle Readers,

It’s been quite a while — 1975, to be exact, when “Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Living in Paris”, the 1968 Off Broadway musical review, was made into a film.  I felt compelled to share my thoughts with you about love.  In light of the current world events where everyday news is depressing, I took stock of the situation and want to spread joy, light, hope, and more importantly — LOVE.  I want to do my part to help erase the fear and hatred that has become widespread.  I ask the angels, archangels, God, Goddess, Creator, guides, guardians and ancestors for their assistance. Our world and all the entities who reside need to be healthy and happy again — not living in fear and experiencing all that fear brings with it.

So many people are disillusioned, angry and/or fearful.  For those of you who are activists, keep doing what you are doing.  For those of you who do not know what to do, look at what is possible and move in that direction.  For those of you who are happy with hatred, bigotry and remain ignorant of what is really going on in the world, so be it. Perhaps you might consider acceptance and tolerance of people who are different from you.  Try a little understanding.  Yes, there are bad people (even fanatics who do harm) in the world, but by no reason should anyone lump people into the same category with others of the same race or religion beliefs.  Each person is an individual.

I believe there are two types of people — open and closed.  I am referring to minds.  There are variations and degrees of each, but for simplicity, I’d like to stick with open and closed.

Someone with a closed mind is a person who will not consider any point of view but their own.  For those who choose to remain closed to change or seeing the big picture, my prayer is that one day they wake up before things get really ugly.

Someone with an open mind is eager to learn — desires information so they can absorb it, disseminate it, process it, and understand it.  Once they have figured things out, they will decide what they want to do.

All of this leads me to Jacques Brel’s song, “If We Only Have Love.”  Please click the link from YouTube and listen closely to the words. — We can change the world with love — not fear.  Be brave, strong, open, and willing to do your part to remove fear from your life and to live fully and completely.  And if you can help others…that is a bonus.


I welcome your thoughts on this topic.  Of course, I’ll hold a good thought for you, those you love, and your efforts to make this world a better place.

Respect the one you date…become an adult

Gentle Readers,

I have been helping young millennial women with their dating problems for quite some time.  They are constantly frustrated because most of the men in their age group are just looking for hook-ups.  Many of these ladies are looking for really, solid boyfriends; they would like to get married and have a family.  I am sure there are some men out there that want the same thing.

Dating apps and websites is the easiest way to find someone these days, but most people are not finding anyone suitable.  They are having a hard time.  Swiping does not necessarily get you a good guy or gal.  It might get you a hottie, but that hottie may turn out to be either a jerk or jerkette.

Today, it dawned on me.  Many of the young, millennial men were never taught how to treat a girl like a lady.  I remember when my cousin started dating; his father pulled him aside and told him, “If a girl likes you enough to have sex with you, you need to respect her and treat her like a lady.  You don’t use her and toss her aside.  She has feelings. If she didn’t feel something for you, she would have said no, kept her panties on and told you where to go.”  By the way, my cousin is still married to that girl and they are still happily married.

There are a lot of women out there who want hook ups just as much as men.  However, there are far more women who want love and a real relationship — not a hookup.  They want to be able to trust the man they are dating.  They want to find that one special person — a soul mate.  I encourage them to find someone to be with who wants to be with them and to stop looking for a soul mate.  If the person they find happens to be a soul mate, how nice.

If there are any single men reading this who do online or app dating — millennials through baby boomers, do not resort to breadcrumbing and ghosting.  Don’t string any lady along or play games.  When you do this, you create stress and she will be wondering when you are going to call, text, email or see her. How would you like it if the tables were turned and the hottie you like did that to you?  How would you feel?  What name would you call her because you were hurt or rejected?  Take a moment and think about the consequences of your actions. 

Come out from behind your phones and computers and meet someone in real life.  If you decide after meeting, or after a few dates, that this is not working for you, just say so — in person, preferably.  If she likes you, it might hurt her to hear that you are not interested, but if you tell her right away, before she becomes emotionally involved, you have done her a favor.  No one likes rejection, but if you are open and honest from the get-go, any lady will appreciate your letting her know where she stands.

It is easier to walk away as a gentleman and an adult. In fact, I encourage it.


The Golden Globes

Gentle Readers,

I spent a few hours this evening watching the Golden Globes Awards ceremony. I want to share this article that was posted online by the Chicago Tribune — La La Land,’ ‘Moonlight’ top Golden Globe.  Please feel free to click the hyperlink and read the article.

I am sure snippets of it will be posted and shared in the days to come.  I am always happy to see a celebrity use their power to educate and raise awareness of potential issues. Kindly read the article and play the video of Meryl Streep, the Cecil B. DeMille Award honoree’s, acceptance speech.  She is a brave lady.  She took the time to remind us that violence breeds violence and disrespectfulness breeds disrespectfulness, among other things.  This is a reminder from an artist; all of us should stand up and do the right thing for humanity.

One more thing I want to share with you was Emma Stone’s statement about “Never give up!” If you believe in yourself, hang in there.  Your time will come.  No matter what circumstances the world is going through, live each day fully and completely.  Love one another, respect their differences, and do your part to make this world a better place for as many people as you can.

My ideal world is one where love and understanding, communication, tolerance, and acceptance are the prime objectives.  Hate, misuse of power, personal agendas that hurt others, conflicts of interest, closed minds and lack flexibility can be destructive.

Gentle Readers, take a moment and see what you can do to help yourself and others on a daily basis. Take things one day at a time, plan for the future, remain flexible and perform random acts of kindness whenever you can.