Respect the one you date…become an adult

Gentle Readers,

I have been helping young millennial women with their dating problems for quite some time.  They are constantly frustrated because most of the men in their age group are just looking for hook-ups.  Many of these ladies are looking for really, solid boyfriends; they would like to get married and have a family.  I am sure there are some men out there that want the same thing.

Dating apps and websites is the easiest way to find someone these days, but most people are not finding anyone suitable.  They are having a hard time.  Swiping does not necessarily get you a good guy or gal.  It might get you a hottie, but that hottie may turn out to be either a jerk or jerkette.

Today, it dawned on me.  Many of the young, millennial men were never taught how to treat a girl like a lady.  I remember when my cousin started dating; his father pulled him aside and told him, “If a girl likes you enough to have sex with you, you need to respect her and treat her like a lady.  You don’t use her and toss her aside.  She has feelings. If she didn’t feel something for you, she would have said no, kept her panties on and told you where to go.”  By the way, my cousin is still married to that girl and they are still happily married.

There are a lot of women out there who want hook ups just as much as men.  However, there are far more women who want love and a real relationship — not a hookup.  They want to be able to trust the man they are dating.  They want to find that one special person — a soul mate.  I encourage them to find someone to be with who wants to be with them and to stop looking for a soul mate.  If the person they find happens to be a soul mate, how nice.

If there are any single men reading this who do online or app dating — millennials through baby boomers, do not resort to breadcrumbing and ghosting.  Don’t string any lady along or play games.  When you do this, you create stress and she will be wondering when you are going to call, text, email or see her. How would you like it if the tables were turned and the hottie you like did that to you?  How would you feel?  What name would you call her because you were hurt or rejected?  Take a moment and think about the consequences of your actions. 

Come out from behind your phones and computers and meet someone in real life.  If you decide after meeting, or after a few dates, that this is not working for you, just say so — in person, preferably.  If she likes you, it might hurt her to hear that you are not interested, but if you tell her right away, before she becomes emotionally involved, you have done her a favor.  No one likes rejection, but if you are open and honest from the get-go, any lady will appreciate your letting her know where she stands.

It is easier to walk away as a gentleman and an adult. In fact, I encourage it.