Online Dating: To Respond or Not Respond?

Gentle Readers,

From time to time, I receive questions regarding what is the right and proper way to respond to an email on a dating site when you are not interested in the person.  For example, you received a nice email from someone, but you have absolutely nothing in common with them.  While the person may seem nice — their profile is well written and the photos are decent, you’re just not feeling a connection.  Perhaps their “percent match” is not high enough for you, too.

Your quandary — what to do?  Hmmm.  “Should I ignore the person and not respond,” you ask yourself? “Or should I send a polite email letting them know they are not a “match” and wish them the best with their search for that special someone?”

There is no right or wrong answer as to whether or not you should respond.  Let me provide you with two options:

  1. You do nothing and they may go away and leave you alone. In many cases, you may think that you are being rude by not responding.  While you may think it might be the coward’s way — not facing someone and hurting their feelings, it might just be better to say nothing.
  2. Of course, the thought may cross your mind that they may really be a nice person, so you might decide to let them know you are not interested and wish them well on their search for that someone special.  In some cases, your well-meaning email may elicit a thank you, but then again, you may end up receiving a vitriolic email.  

There is no right or wrong way to turn someone down.  My suggestion to you is simple; do what you feel is right and do not feel guilty.

Do you have any rejection insights you would like to share on this topic?  Feel free to do so.

Respect the one you date…become an adult

Gentle Readers,

I have been helping young millennial women with their dating problems for quite some time.  They are constantly frustrated because most of the men in their age group are just looking for hook-ups.  Many of these ladies are looking for really, solid boyfriends; they would like to get married and have a family.  I am sure there are some men out there that want the same thing.

Dating apps and websites is the easiest way to find someone these days, but most people are not finding anyone suitable.  They are having a hard time.  Swiping does not necessarily get you a good guy or gal.  It might get you a hottie, but that hottie may turn out to be either a jerk or jerkette.

Today, it dawned on me.  Many of the young, millennial men were never taught how to treat a girl like a lady.  I remember when my cousin started dating; his father pulled him aside and told him, “If a girl likes you enough to have sex with you, you need to respect her and treat her like a lady.  You don’t use her and toss her aside.  She has feelings. If she didn’t feel something for you, she would have said no, kept her panties on and told you where to go.”  By the way, my cousin is still married to that girl and they are still happily married.

There are a lot of women out there who want hook ups just as much as men.  However, there are far more women who want love and a real relationship — not a hookup.  They want to be able to trust the man they are dating.  They want to find that one special person — a soul mate.  I encourage them to find someone to be with who wants to be with them and to stop looking for a soul mate.  If the person they find happens to be a soul mate, how nice.

If there are any single men reading this who do online or app dating — millennials through baby boomers, do not resort to breadcrumbing and ghosting.  Don’t string any lady along or play games.  When you do this, you create stress and she will be wondering when you are going to call, text, email or see her. How would you like it if the tables were turned and the hottie you like did that to you?  How would you feel?  What name would you call her because you were hurt or rejected?  Take a moment and think about the consequences of your actions. 

Come out from behind your phones and computers and meet someone in real life.  If you decide after meeting, or after a few dates, that this is not working for you, just say so — in person, preferably.  If she likes you, it might hurt her to hear that you are not interested, but if you tell her right away, before she becomes emotionally involved, you have done her a favor.  No one likes rejection, but if you are open and honest from the get-go, any lady will appreciate your letting her know where she stands.

It is easier to walk away as a gentleman and an adult. In fact, I encourage it.


Someone’s Life May be at Risk

Gentle Readers,

When I learned to drive, the first thing I was told was, “The right to drive is a privilege!” In the United States, anyone who wants a drivers license must first learn the “Rules of the Road” for their state prior to taking a road test.  Why am I talking about this?  I am talking about this because nearly every time I heard an ambulance siren this past year, I saw motorists breezing through intersections.  When I walked to a bus stop one morning, I heard an ambulance siren and saw the ambulance waiting to enter the intersection as 5 cars went through a their green light. As the emergency vehicle started to enter the intersection another car ran the light after it turned red and almost crashed into the ambulance.  The ambulance made it through the intersection, made its turn and had to deal with yet another intersection a block away with the same problem — motorists that refused to stop and yield the right of way.

All drivers must yield to emergency vehicles whenever they hear an ambulance siren.  Someone’s life may be at risk; every moment counts. Emergency vehicles are allowed to go through red lights as are law enforcement officials — no one else.  Any delay can result in a life lost.  Every time I see this happen, I pray that the emergency vehicle arrives in time to save its passenger’s life.

As a reminder, whenever someone sits behind the wheel of an automobile, truck, motorcycle, or bus, not only are they putting their life in their hands, but they are also responsible for the lives of any passengers in their vehicle and the lives in other vehicles.

It might be a good idea if everyone reviews the Rules of the Road.  I believe in most states it is available online. Perhaps you may have forgotten which way to turn your wheels when parking on a hill?  Maybe some of the laws have changed since the last time you took your drivers test?  Whatever the case may be, remember that an ambulance is in a big hurry — you can wait.  I would hate to know that someone or their loved one didn’t arrive in time because someone did not pull over and let an emergency vehicle through.  I am sure you feel the same way.

Spread the word and remind people to pull over and let those wonderful ambulance drivers and paramedics do their job — save lives.

Thank you.



Name Calling, Bullying, and Cyberbullying

Gentle Readers,

My recent post on the Lottery elicited a response from a reader “down under” who posted the comment “You’re the Devil.” As you know, I am the Queen of Common Sense and promote myself as a wise woman who uses both wisdom and common sense in my decision-making process as well as promoting the same in others.  This was not an acceptable comment to post.  While I advocate free speech, in my not-so-humble opinion, this comment does not fall under the category of free speech.  Name calling and insults are inappropriate comments under any circumstance.

I sensed that this individual is hurting. If he knew me and called me a “Devil” to my face, I might have been able to understand where he was coming from and what was bothering him.  However, when someone calls anyone a name or bullies them without an explanation, that is just plain rude.  I have had experiences in my life (and career) with “Good Christians” which were not always pleasant.  Many of these Christians are amazing individuals.  They are fantastic people.  However, when it comes to their religious beliefs, some “Good Christians” can be inflexible and lack tolerance of anything that offends them.  I was raised to accept people of every race, religion, etc. as they are — another human being with faults.  Tolerance and understanding was what I learned.  I also learned that even though someone’s beliefs may offend me, they are entitled to their beliefs as long as those beliefs (religious or otherwise) do not hurt another being (human or animal).

This person, may have meant well, from his point of view, but it was nonetheless an inappropriate comment.  He could have said, “You are talking about Tarot cards and they are the ‘Devil’s’ tool.”  He could also have said several other things such as the following:

  • I believe you are an evil person because ________________.
  • Tarot cards are against my religion and/or beliefs.
  • I did not care for what you posted, because _________________.

Instead this person hid behind an insult directed at someone they do not know.

Let’s put this person’s comment in proper perspective.

  1. Strangers constantly bully people and celebrities.  Think about all of the comments that you may have been privy to — hurtful and supportive in the wake of Robin Williams’ recent death.
  2. Every day, someone in the world is dealing with someone who refuses to see any point of view that is not their own.  I refer to them as inflexible and intolerant people.
  3. Cyberbullying allows most people to remain anonymous.  Social media cyberbullying has become very common place.
  4. This behavior is hurtful.

There are many reasons why people call others names, bully and/or cyberbully others.  Rather than think about why someone does this, follow my example and do something to help someone who is being bullied today, and any day you encounter some form of bullying.  In my situation, I am grateful that reader insulted me.  He allowed me the opportunity to write this particular blog entry.  Join the Queen of Common Sense and help stop bullying.

Bless you, Gentle Readers.