Online dating photos — Sunglasses or no sunglasses?

Gentle Readers,

Nearly everyone has heard heard the expression, “The eyes are the windows to your soul, ” or “The eyes are the mirror of your soul.” This is true.  Your eyes can communicate your feelings, often better than words can.  Why not re-watch old movies with Greta Garbo, John Gilbert, Mary Pickford, the Gish sisters, Charlie Chaplin, Lon Chaney and others? Without subtitles, you can still tell what the characters the actors were portraying were feeling and experiencing — through their eyes and body language.

When you look someone in the eye, you can see if they are being honest with you. If you are shy or want to flirt, you may avert your eyes or give someone a “come hither look.”   If you are upset, you may have tears in your eyes.  If you are happy, your eyes may sparkle and even “dance,”  especially if you are teasing someone or telling a joke. If you are focused, there may be an intensity in your eyes.  In many cases, your body language will support what you are feeling.

This brings me to the subject of online/app dating profiles and sunglasses. Far too many dating profiles contain photos of potential dates wearing sunglasses in every picture, or nearly every picture. What were they thinking? If people are looking for real connections, wouldn’t it better serve them to present an accurate image of themselves? Wearing sunglasses can be a deterrent because it hides their most valuable asset — their eyes.  My advice to you, Gentle Reader, is simple:  If you do not see the “whites of their eyes,” consider swiping left.  If someone hides their eyes, they may be afraid of being vulnerable. Yes, most people have been hurt at least once in their life. In order to love and be loved, you most assuredly will get hurt or hurt the person you love at some point in time. It is unavoidable. If you have a good partner, you both will work through those moments together and patch things up because you love each other and want your relationship to work. That is why heartfelt apologies and makeup sex can be fabulous!

Celebrities were known for wearing sunglasses so they could go out in public without being recognized — so they could live as much of a normal life as possible.  No sunglasses please, unless you have a medical condition that warrants wearing them, or you are sitting or standing in bright sunlight.  Seriously.  Take off the shades, be vulnerable and take a flattering selfie.  You know you want to make a good impression on a potential date now, don’t you?

Gentle Readers, do you have any thoughts or comments to share?  Please do as I value your inputyour thoughts and ideas.

Online Dating: To Respond or Not Respond?

Gentle Readers,

From time to time, I receive questions regarding what is the right and proper way to respond to an email on a dating site when you are not interested in the person.  For example, you received a nice email from someone, but you have absolutely nothing in common with them.  While the person may seem nice — their profile is well written and the photos are decent, you’re just not feeling a connection.  Perhaps their “percent match” is not high enough for you, too.

Your quandary — what to do?  Hmmm.  “Should I ignore the person and not respond,” you ask yourself? “Or should I send a polite email letting them know they are not a “match” and wish them the best with their search for that special someone?”

There is no right or wrong answer as to whether or not you should respond.  Let me provide you with two options:

  1. You do nothing and they may go away and leave you alone. In many cases, you may think that you are being rude by not responding.  While you may think it might be the coward’s way — not facing someone and hurting their feelings, it might just be better to say nothing.
  2. Of course, the thought may cross your mind that they may really be a nice person, so you might decide to let them know you are not interested and wish them well on their search for that someone special.  In some cases, your well-meaning email may elicit a thank you, but then again, you may end up receiving a vitriolic email.  

There is no right or wrong way to turn someone down.  My suggestion to you is simple; do what you feel is right and do not feel guilty.

Do you have any rejection insights you would like to share on this topic?  Feel free to do so.

Respect the one you date…become an adult

Gentle Readers,

I have been helping young millennial women with their dating problems for quite some time.  They are constantly frustrated because most of the men in their age group are just looking for hook-ups.  Many of these ladies are looking for really, solid boyfriends; they would like to get married and have a family.  I am sure there are some men out there that want the same thing.

Dating apps and websites is the easiest way to find someone these days, but most people are not finding anyone suitable.  They are having a hard time.  Swiping does not necessarily get you a good guy or gal.  It might get you a hottie, but that hottie may turn out to be either a jerk or jerkette.

Today, it dawned on me.  Many of the young, millennial men were never taught how to treat a girl like a lady.  I remember when my cousin started dating; his father pulled him aside and told him, “If a girl likes you enough to have sex with you, you need to respect her and treat her like a lady.  You don’t use her and toss her aside.  She has feelings. If she didn’t feel something for you, she would have said no, kept her panties on and told you where to go.”  By the way, my cousin is still married to that girl and they are still happily married.

There are a lot of women out there who want hook ups just as much as men.  However, there are far more women who want love and a real relationship — not a hookup.  They want to be able to trust the man they are dating.  They want to find that one special person — a soul mate.  I encourage them to find someone to be with who wants to be with them and to stop looking for a soul mate.  If the person they find happens to be a soul mate, how nice.

If there are any single men reading this who do online or app dating — millennials through baby boomers, do not resort to breadcrumbing and ghosting.  Don’t string any lady along or play games.  When you do this, you create stress and she will be wondering when you are going to call, text, email or see her. How would you like it if the tables were turned and the hottie you like did that to you?  How would you feel?  What name would you call her because you were hurt or rejected?  Take a moment and think about the consequences of your actions. 

Come out from behind your phones and computers and meet someone in real life.  If you decide after meeting, or after a few dates, that this is not working for you, just say so — in person, preferably.  If she likes you, it might hurt her to hear that you are not interested, but if you tell her right away, before she becomes emotionally involved, you have done her a favor.  No one likes rejection, but if you are open and honest from the get-go, any lady will appreciate your letting her know where she stands.

It is easier to walk away as a gentleman and an adult. In fact, I encourage it.


Internet Dating — Location, Location, Location — oops, potential scammer!

Gentle Readers,

Time and time again, my online clients ask me for relationship readings.  They want to know if I can see a future with someone, specifically marriage.  Rather than do a Tarot reading for them, I just ask a few questions first, because my intuition tells me things are not quite right.  In the past, when I did Tarot readings without asking question first, the cards often showed that the relationship was extremely positive.  When that happened, I KNEW something was wrong.  Nothing is THAT good.  Usually the relationship they are asking about is someone they connected with online.

I will share a snippet from a reading I gave to someone recently to show you why location is important.

Q:  How long have you known this person?

C:  We’re just chatting right now.

Q:  You didn’t answer my question?  OK then.  How long have you been chatting?

C:  Two months.

Q:  You are asking me about someone you have been chatting with for two months?  Have you met this person yet?

C:  Well no.

Q:  How far away does he live?

C:  He lives in Florida.

Q:  You did not answer my question.  So he lives in Florida.  And where do you live?

C:  In North Dakota, but if everything works out he’ll move to North Dakota.

Q:  Have you met him yet?

C:  Well, no.

Q:  Have you at least spoken to this person or SKYPED?

C:  No.  He doesn’t know how to SKYPE.  He’s 48.

Q:  He’s 48 and doesn’t know how to SKYPE?  I’m older than he is and I know how to SKYPE. He’s a scammer or a potential scammer.

Gentle Readers, without revealing more of this person’s reading, let me share a recommendation with you should you use or consider using the Internet to find someone to date.

I recommend only choosing or responding to prospective partners if they live within a one-hour drive (with or without traffic) from where you live.  The main reason for “dating” is to find someone that you can spend time with and get to know.  Online chatting, texting, etc. does not count.  One must take the time necessary to get to know someone and that should be in person supplemented with telephone calls.  While The Queen is somewhat traditional, do know traditional values do count.  The objective of finding someone, whether you use the Internet or some other method, is to find someone who lives close enough to you so your life is not disrupted.  If the stars align, or you really do find someone to love, you want to wake up next to them. Relationships are difficult and long-distance relationships are even more difficult.  Think about it?

If someone from another state or country, (and in some cases, military personnel) contacts you on a dating site, just remember location, location, location.  Of course, you can always contact me for additional insight.  Common sense first…