Online dating photos — Sunglasses or no sunglasses?

Gentle Readers,

Nearly everyone has heard heard the expression, “The eyes are the windows to your soul, ” or “The eyes are the mirror of your soul.” This is true.  Your eyes can communicate your feelings, often better than words can.  Why not re-watch old movies with Greta Garbo, John Gilbert, Mary Pickford, the Gish sisters, Charlie Chaplin, Lon Chaney and others? Without subtitles, you can still tell what the characters the actors were portraying were feeling and experiencing — through their eyes and body language.

When you look someone in the eye, you can see if they are being honest with you. If you are shy or want to flirt, you may avert your eyes or give someone a “come hither look.”   If you are upset, you may have tears in your eyes.  If you are happy, your eyes may sparkle and even “dance,”  especially if you are teasing someone or telling a joke. If you are focused, there may be an intensity in your eyes.  In many cases, your body language will support what you are feeling.

This brings me to the subject of online/app dating profiles and sunglasses. Far too many dating profiles contain photos of potential dates wearing sunglasses in every picture, or nearly every picture. What were they thinking? If people are looking for real connections, wouldn’t it better serve them to present an accurate image of themselves? Wearing sunglasses can be a deterrent because it hides their most valuable asset — their eyes.  My advice to you, Gentle Reader, is simple:  If you do not see the “whites of their eyes,” consider swiping left.  If someone hides their eyes, they may be afraid of being vulnerable. Yes, most people have been hurt at least once in their life. In order to love and be loved, you most assuredly will get hurt or hurt the person you love at some point in time. It is unavoidable. If you have a good partner, you both will work through those moments together and patch things up because you love each other and want your relationship to work. That is why heartfelt apologies and makeup sex can be fabulous!

Celebrities were known for wearing sunglasses so they could go out in public without being recognized — so they could live as much of a normal life as possible.  No sunglasses please, unless you have a medical condition that warrants wearing them, or you are sitting or standing in bright sunlight.  Seriously.  Take off the shades, be vulnerable and take a flattering selfie.  You know you want to make a good impression on a potential date now, don’t you?

Gentle Readers, do you have any thoughts or comments to share?  Please do as I value your inputyour thoughts and ideas.

Choose your words wisely; proofread what you write, and know that somewhere, someone will react in a negative manner.

Gentle Readers,

Has someone misinterpreted your words or intentions when you sent a letter, card, text or email?  Did you try to be crystal clear when you wrote it.  Did you take the time you needed to choose your words carefully?  If so, great!  Did it blow up in your face and bite you in your bottom anyway?  If it did, you are not alone. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY

If you are in the habit of finding someone or something to blame, or make an excuse as to why your message did not go over as you intended, stop it!  Accept the fact that you do not have control over how a recipient will respond to what you wrote.  If you said what you needed to say, don’t beat yourself up; just own your actions and try not to muck things up further by trying to fix the problem.  Let it go.

“No Good Deed Goes Unpunished,” made immortal in the Musical “Wicked,” and the expression:  ”The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” has some validity in real life.  Then again you can just “Let it go!”  Yes, The Queen of Common Sense loves musical theatre and great quotes.

Gentle Readers, I’d like to share an example of what I am talking about without breaching ethics and confidentiality.

Someone reached out to me privately several months ago — a young psychic.  She gushed about how great it was to connect to me.  She then added me to her phone and friended me on social media.  Shortly after adding me to her phone, she texted me asking, “What should I do about your friend ______________; he keeps sending me naked pictures of himself.”  I went onto FB messaging and replied, “Why did you text me on my phone about some person sending you naked pics? I’m not happy about receiving this sort of thing from you. Please be careful what you text and to whom. I’ll delete the text.”  …and I did.  She apologized and explained how it happened.

Regardless of how it happened, this could have been avoided if she paid attention to what she was doing when she entered names and phone numbers in her phone.  I was stunned, confused, and felt that this type of text was inappropriate.  In my opinion, she should have called the intended person rather than text.  After the fact, that I realized that my words may have appeared condescending — especially since she had connected to me nearly two weeks earlier.  Perhaps I should have just said, “You texted me something in error that I felt was inappropriate. Please know that and be careful next time.  I believe I over-reacted.

When I started working events as a psychic over 35 years ago, there was no one around to explain ethics, boundaries and what a psychic or Tarot reader should tell people.  There was no Internet, no cell phones and nearly everyone working was “hungry” and out for themselves, so a newbie had to make some mistakes and find their way.  I did.  As a result of my experiences, I try to teach people the importance of good ethics when establishing their identity as a professional reader.

While this article is basically about choosing words wisely, under the shadow of today’s Retrograde Mercury, I had another social media message encounter with the same individual a few days ago.  While she had messaged me a few other times since her error with various mandalas and other items, plus promotional messages about her services, I just noted it and went about my business.  However, when I received a message that was supposed to be a promo for her services which contained a variant of the F-bomb, I fell into teacher mode and the neon “ETHICS” sign went off in my head.  I messaged her asking her to stop sending me stuff as I was not a client or potential client.  I also identified myself to her thinking she would make the connection.  I felt her response was inappropriate:  “It’s just promo  Ur in my list  Calm down  I swear. Ur attitude has always sucked Block me”  She then promptly blocked me and unfriended me.

I was stunned because this young psychic used a variant of the F-bomb in her promotional mailing without screening her list to make sure her choice of verbiage would not offend people.  I never asked to be friended, nor did I ask to be put on her list.  I did a knee-jerk response and probably came off condescending, once again.  I’ll own that.  So, I guess she needed to say and do what she felt she was appropriate for her.  Whether some of her clients responded to what she sent and the “F-bomb variant” is fine.  I just had an issue with her emailing it to EVERYONE on her list.

The advice I offer anyone marketing their services —  no matter what their profession may be, please be mindful of what you send and to whom.  Make sure you have done your homework and separated your lists.  Also make sure if people want to be removed from your promotional mailings that you remove them graciously.

My advice to anyone using social media is simple:  “The image you present to the world today will be misinterpreted no matter what you do or say; social media can help you and hinder you.  Trolls may try to destroy you.  All you can do is learn to let things go, move on, and hope you do not have to do much, if any damage control.  You can’t please everyone and there will always be someone out there ready, willing and able to mess with you.  It’s a fact of life.

I hope this article helps you.  Feel free to share and/or leave any comments as you see fit.

Respect the one you date…become an adult

Gentle Readers,

I have been helping young millennial women with their dating problems for quite some time.  They are constantly frustrated because most of the men in their age group are just looking for hook-ups.  Many of these ladies are looking for really, solid boyfriends; they would like to get married and have a family.  I am sure there are some men out there that want the same thing.

Dating apps and websites is the easiest way to find someone these days, but most people are not finding anyone suitable.  They are having a hard time.  Swiping does not necessarily get you a good guy or gal.  It might get you a hottie, but that hottie may turn out to be either a jerk or jerkette.

Today, it dawned on me.  Many of the young, millennial men were never taught how to treat a girl like a lady.  I remember when my cousin started dating; his father pulled him aside and told him, “If a girl likes you enough to have sex with you, you need to respect her and treat her like a lady.  You don’t use her and toss her aside.  She has feelings. If she didn’t feel something for you, she would have said no, kept her panties on and told you where to go.”  By the way, my cousin is still married to that girl and they are still happily married.

There are a lot of women out there who want hook ups just as much as men.  However, there are far more women who want love and a real relationship — not a hookup.  They want to be able to trust the man they are dating.  They want to find that one special person — a soul mate.  I encourage them to find someone to be with who wants to be with them and to stop looking for a soul mate.  If the person they find happens to be a soul mate, how nice.

If there are any single men reading this who do online or app dating — millennials through baby boomers, do not resort to breadcrumbing and ghosting.  Don’t string any lady along or play games.  When you do this, you create stress and she will be wondering when you are going to call, text, email or see her. How would you like it if the tables were turned and the hottie you like did that to you?  How would you feel?  What name would you call her because you were hurt or rejected?  Take a moment and think about the consequences of your actions. 

Come out from behind your phones and computers and meet someone in real life.  If you decide after meeting, or after a few dates, that this is not working for you, just say so — in person, preferably.  If she likes you, it might hurt her to hear that you are not interested, but if you tell her right away, before she becomes emotionally involved, you have done her a favor.  No one likes rejection, but if you are open and honest from the get-go, any lady will appreciate your letting her know where she stands.

It is easier to walk away as a gentleman and an adult. In fact, I encourage it.


Soulmate questions

Gentle readers,

I’d like to share with you a few questions I received over the years regarding meeting a soul mate.  While we have many soul mates and may meet a few in our life time, this does not necessarily mean we are destined to spend our life with them — happily ever after.  That is a bit of a stretch, especially if we just met them.  It takes time to get to know someone.  Too many people are searching for amazing chemistry, which often burns out as quickly as it begins.  Off the chart chemistry may be soul mate energy, but it has to simmer.  As most people know, a great pasta sauce or pot of soup needs to simmer once it comes to a boil — all ingredients must blend together.

I remember an acting teacher of mine once said, “Love affairs usually start when a movie begins filming and ends when the film wraps.” She cited several examples of this, however, common decency and ethics prevents me from elaborating further.  Some of these relationships have lasted many years because the couples involved did the work necessary to grow the relationship.

Several of my clients told me, “I think I met my soul mate.  Did I?”

Trying not to laugh, I informed them, “If you have to ask me if he is your soul mate, he most certainly is not.”  In all of these situations, the men (not gentlemen) were using a great line to get what they wanted, and disappeared shortly thereafter.

Another soul mate question I was asked was, “Do you know when I am going to meet my soul mate?”

This lady was already happily married to a wonderful man who was good to her, a terrific father to their children and a hard working man — what we might refer to as a good provider.

I then asked her, “Why do you need a soul mate?  She told me a psychic told her she was going to meet her soul mate.

I asked her, “Why would you destroy a perfectly good marriage?”

She just stared at me dumbfounded.  Apparently it never occurred to her what would happen if she allowed herself to be pursued by this so-called soul mate.

” Just because some fortuneteller told you that you were going to meet your soul mate does not necessarily mean that this person would be good for you.”

There are many people, both men and women, who are looking for their soul mate all the time.  Realistically speaking, if you love someone and they love you back, are you both doing the work to make this relationship grow and last?  If so, forget about looking for a soul mate.

In most cases, that soul mate feeling it is often a very strong chemical attraction.  If you manage to keep your clothes on and take the time to get to know a person, perhaps a few days or weeks later, you will find out who this person really is, and if spending time with them is in your best interests.

In this case, patience, and common sense first … then intuition.

We are ALWAYS amused.

Wrong Queen, but the statement is accurate. There are days where I just abhor being called upon to perform a reading for someone. Why, you might ask? Well, it is really quite simple. Let give you an example.

Let’s say…

Lady Petunia asks me if her philandering husband is cheating on her again.

My response to her was, “Do you honestly think he stopped cheating on you? He has done this twice already and profusely apologized both times. Seriously, dear Petunia, this is not about whether he is philandering again, it is about your deciding if you want to stay in this marriage.”

Her response was, “I want to believe him.”

I replied, “Dear lady, you can want to believe him, but deep in your heart, you know you cannot believe him. You do not need to make up your mind now. Take your time and think about how your life would be with him and without him. Once you know what you want to do, you just need to follow through.”

By the way, her Tarot card reading showed she wanted him to change.